Hope In The Shadows

Identity is a fragile patchwork stitched together from our experiences, beliefs and roles in life. For Matthew Kolodziej, 42, finding his sense of self has been a relentless struggle. His dad was an angry alcoholic, and his mother was a misguided dreamer who liked to have a good time.

Matthew was eight years old when he started attending AA meetings with his dad, who finally got sober. Then, his parents got a divorce. Left with his absent mom and younger siblings in Dubuque, Iowa, he stepped into the caretaker role, missing out on the carefree joys of childhood.

Matthew’s life took another turn after an ADHD diagnosis at age 12. Troubles at home led to frequent stays in psych wards and group homes, deepening his loneliness and yearning for identity. When he finally aged out of group homes, his father’s house in Florida offered a taste of freedom, but not without its own struggles.

In his junior year of high school, he began to rebel. “I was starting to skip classes and hang out with kids that I never hung out with before… I started doing what the cool kids did and drinking beer at lunch,” Matthew said.

As Matthew continued to rebel, his father became angry and aggressive toward him. When his father tried to fight Matthew physically, he knew he needed to leave home. “I was homeless… I would just travel…couch surfing and drinking.” Moving back to Iowa only spurred Matthew’s addictions more. He began drinking heavily, doing drugs and cultivating unhealthy relationships. These bad influences eventually led to Matthew’s first felony.

“When I went to prison, it was like a reunion of sorts of people that I was in group homes with… [but] I had this view of myself that now I’m a criminal. I already felt like I didn’t really fit in and now I was amongst criminals, which I also didn’t identify with.” Matthew’s journey to sobriety and housing has been a lengthy odyssey full of heartbreak, homeless shelters, time in jail, college, divorce and couch surfing.

After his first night staying in the woods, he was visited by Joppa volunteers. “I was drinking and using, and it was a Sunday morning. It was the first night of me being at the camp. And here comes some folks walking down the train tracks asking if we were hungry, if we wanted food [or] needed things. And I was just taken aback…they told us they were from Joppa…I looked at them like they were superheroes.”

From that interaction, Matthew was determined to turn his life around. “I want to feel like I have a place…and that hope kind of helped pull me through… when I first saw Joppa.”

Matthew now serves on weekly outreach routes. “Just the existence of Joppa gives hope. It was important for me to be part of the same organization so I can help return that investment.”

Watch all of Matthew’s story on YouTube and see how he’s doing today.